to forgive

change of font size. Reading through this mades me realise what a waste of time is actually is, but in a way this helps me vent out the feelings bottled up inside. Note to self: must get a reasonably pretty journal for christmas or something.
I just babble on and on about how the day was and yeah that's pretty much it.
Lately I've been thinking, yes I've been using my brain.. and I realise things we do now determine what is going to happen to us. Like all those little tests that I keep screwing up, they tell you what's wrong and yeah you realise, you suck and stuff. But really those are the indicators of your intelligence and you're like urged to do better next time, to like maybe read the question more carefully. It also tells you that you can never be fully prepared and that you've got to take things as they are. Hmmm, that's why I screw things up.
Then life after death and heaven. I've been thinking and I've promised myself to be a more devoted Christian and to become a better person in the whole. So the week last week was pretty "metaphysical" in the way I'm trying hard to find who I am.
Another thing happened on Sunday and I realise just how much lighter psychologically I feel. Its taken me ages to forgive this person who'd drastically made life unbearable the last few years. I've come to realise it was just a cover from all her insecurities and that deep down she really wants to form a bond and just live life for as long as she can. I guess its taken me long enough, like my mum forgave this person ages ago... goes to show how immature I am.
Mehh, I'm a growing girl who's bound to do some good hopefully. And I"ll learn and love and trust along the way.
& one day, I'll find myself. LOL and my other half, maybe not.
but that day, I'll be able to say, "I'm free and I am who I am." heheh
in other words , I'll have reached self-realisation and got the "emanicipation" that John Barton from "Looking for Alibrandi" died for.




issy xxx